pantere: every 60 seconds in africa, a minute passes
Obama: Oh, my God! I love your foreign policy. Where did you get it?
Romney: It was Reagan's in the '80's.
Obama: Vintage. So adorable!
Obama: That is the worst effing foreign policy I've ever seen.
Television: In the criminal justice system--
Me: SEXUALLY-BASED OFFENSES ARE CONSIDERED ESPECIALLY HEINOUS. IN NEW YORK CITY, THE DEDICATED DETECTIVES WHO INVESTIGATE THESE VICIOUS FELONIES ARE MEMBERS OF AN ELITE SQUAD KNOWN AS THE SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT. THESE ARE THEIR STORIES. DUN DUN
scaryscreamboos: anonymously tell me on a scale of 1-10 how much you want to touch my butt with 1 being “I really want to touch your butt” and 10 being “I would assassinate the president to touch your butt”
thatsmoderatelyraven: I get physically uncomfortable when people brag about what math class they’re in
gameandwatch: so my friend got his trombone stolen a while back when he finally got a new one he stuck this over his locker
shavingryansprivates: hauntumn: hauntumn: hauntumn: Hakuna Matata What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata it means “DROP THE BASS” BWUY YOH wohhhh widdle da widdle do woodley widdledy wawww weeeeh gritchlew WEUUUUW, GWAAH GWOOH GRAW GRIH GRIH GRIH GREUUUUW GWEEE nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee nyee REHHH sheww
chloemorets: i was telling a joke i made up the other day what alcoholic beverage do gay males drink penis coladas and i started laughing to myself but my friend just looked me dead in the eyes and said cocktails
smythe-hummel: “I lived without out a computer and cell phone when I was your age.” yeah well YOUR parents lived without a microwave and the polio vaccine but I don’t see you giving that up
nunderwater: if I die young delete everything on my phone and laptop lay me down on a bed of roses
gerard-gay: gerard-gay: my dog was barking and shes already fat so i refused to give her cheese and then we both dramatically turned away from eachother and i heard somebody that i used to know playing from another room and it was the most drama ive had in months the success of this text post continues to baffle me
brandnewswastikas: The Five Stages of Diarrhea Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Diarrhea
nintendo-bs: “whats up” “the sky xD”
thehauntedyardsard: i’m not racist, my best friend is a girl
clavid: i was just drinking V8 and thinking about how good it was and then i thought about like an entire family of kids whose father work as the CEO of V8 and he makes them drink so much V8 like he puts it in their cereal and in water jugs and they are so miserable and hate it so much that he makes them drink it all the time and he also beats them
iamvishnu: when people don’t shut up about being drunk
portablemiah: i cant remember anything from ages 1 to 2. man i must have been so wasted
qenitals: shopping carts in random places make me sad there is nothing for you there friend
A random toddler just waved at me. I didn’t wave back. Welcome to life and its disappointments you little shit.
failbag: guys like to complain about how hard it is to get a girlfriend and how they’re always being put in the ‘friend-zone’ maybe if they actually TRIED building an attractive nest out of pebbles they would find a female to mate with before the harsh winter came, did they ever consider THAT
alecwoodlight: firelordzuko: it’s funny how the most unappreciated character in harry potter is harry potter i’ve never heard anyone answer the question ‘who’s your favourite harry potter character’ with ‘harry potter’
i-like-pigeons: these are the scariest gifs ever in history